When in France

When my husband and I visited Southern France this past May, I purchased a Chanel Small Classic Double Flap. As a birthday present, my husband bought me a Miu Miu Madras (size small). At the time, I said to myself that I was going to take a break from collecting more designer bags. In more specifics, I challenged myself to wait and buy my next designer bag sometime five years later (when I’ll be 35-years-old). This challenge has been going well in the past seven months until last night.

The Celine

Last night, I caught myself going down the slippery slope. I follow several fashion and lifestyle bloggers on Instagram. Every evening, I sign on to the Instagram app to see these bloggers’ updates. One of the bloggers was visiting France. She posted a picture carrying a Celine Classic Box Flap, a beautiful bag that I’ve been desiring for at least three years now. This bag is almost always sold out across the U.S. It’s even hard to find in Europe. I love everything about this bag. It’s classic, beautiful and so me.

The more I thought about the bag and why I wanted it in the first place, the more suffering I was feeling inside. I thought about how lucky that blogger was and the wonderful life she must be living. I thought about how my husband would be all stressed out if I’d express the desire to purchase this bag sometime in the next five years. Then, I wondered why I wasn’t as lucky as she was. Yes, I was going down the slippery slope and I was suffering greatly. I walked inside the bedroom and wanted to cry. Instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I picked up the book next to my bed and started reading. It was a book by Brene Brown on embracing one’s imperfect self.

Instagram and Me

Despite fully being aware how “toxic” Instagram (and the byproducts of that, such as social comparison) it is for me (I’m a natural spender and I like pretty things), I’ve been having a very hard time saying “no” to filtered photos of beautiful interior decors or wardrobe items. Then, as soon as I laid my eyes on some of the photos, the experience turned from just simply “looking” to admiring to wanting to suffering. Yet, I keep coming back to these updates every evening. It’s an addiction and a religion.

Throughout this past year, I actually did well. Despite being bombarded daily with strong temptations, I only purchased a handful of wardrobe items. I’m generally happy with my wardrobe. In fact, I much prefer “shopping” the pieces in my own wardrobe then going to a clothing retailer (whether it’s a physical store or on the Internet). At least once a week, I’ve found myself being glad I purchased certain items when I did. I suppose I haven’t been a fan of this year’s trends. Much of my wardrobe are classic pieces with a pretty twist.

New Surprise

So, it was a big surprise when I found myself going down the slippery slope. Through Instagram photos, I’ve seen several “IT” bags of the year. I no desire to want to own any one of those bags. I already own several very beautiful design bags, and I haven’t even had as many opportunities to use them throughout the year as I’d like. Yet, somehow, seeing that Celine Box Flap generated a different experience. To be fair, I’ve been craving that bag for a long time.

What that experience has taught me was this: I became aware that I still get sucked into temptations (to things that elicit strong emotions within, such as the Celine bag) and I still need to work on myself.

That Evening

I didn’t stay in the bedroom by myself for long. My husband walked in shortly after I started reading. He suggested that we go on the Internet to look at some for sale houses. He either noticed the sadness and suffering on my face earlier or he really wanted to engage on something with me that evening. Whatever the reason, that was the kind of distraction I needed to get out of my suffering state. That night, my husband and I spent two plus hours looking at for sale houses and having a great discussion, almost until midnight.